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NOTE: Questions selected at random.
QUESTION
What do you think about fantasy? Do you think sexual fantasies are natural?
ANSWER
Fantasy is a part of every day life, and people all over the world have fantasies about many different things. For all practical purposes, fantasizing is the act of using one's mind to visualize any situation, scene or event either real or imagined. Often called "the creative imagination," fantasy can be considered a realm of the mind which is ultimately controlled by each individual. This realm includes everything from dreams, fears or desires, and the mental images of such. These visions can be realistic or improbable, fictitious or even supernatural.
Many people believe that fantasies are usually fulfilling a wish, desire or psychological need. In most cases this is true. In one way or another, a fantasy is a means for a person to escape mentally and soar without restriction in any chosen direction. Oftentimes these fantasies bring about an enhanced or altered state of mind which is desired by the individual. In fantasy, there are no limitations whatsoever except what a person limits his or her mind to thinking about.
Note: Persons who use psychoactive drugs or medication may have certain vivid fantasies or mental images which are so realistic that they are believed to be real. These types of fantasies are called hallucinations and are not the same as most other fantasies. Although imaginary, the visions seem very real and sometimes quite scary to the individual. When a person hallucinates and is unable to distinguish the difference between fantasy and reality, medical and/or psychiatric attention should be given to that person.
Concerning sexual fantasy, lets first acknowledge that sex is a driving force and a topic that people think about a lot. Because we are all sexual beings, it is not unnatural for fantasies of a sexual nature to occupy our minds. Sexuality surrounds us. It influences us both consciously and unconsciously on multiple levels and affects our physical, emotional and spiritual enviornment/state of mind and well-being. Sexuality is predominantly displayed and also emphasized on a societal level, and because it is so prevalent in nearly all aspects of our society today, its not at all surprising that sexual fantasies are the most common fantasies we have.
Sexual fantasy is a good thing. While sex has always been an enjoyable aspect of the human experience, fantasy has served us well as an incredible enhancement toward obtaining sexual fulfillment. An infinite number of fantasies have been conjured up in the human mind throughout existance, and fantasy has been used since the beginning of time to enhance the sexual experience. Sex starts in the head, and sexual gratification, whether alone or with a partner, is usually achieved by the use of fantasy in one way or another.
QUESTION
I had limited sexual contact with my mom when she taught me about sex. Now it's time for my son to learn. My wife is aware of my experiences, but is hesitant to do the same for our son. She isn't totally against it, just unsure. Is there any way for a child to have any physical contact with his or her parents and not be negatively affected? I told my wife it was all right as long as Jeff, our son, felt comfortable and didn't feel like he was being pressured. Am I way off base, or is there a specific place where we should draw the line?
ANSWER
The matter that you have inquired about is illegal and is highly advised against. Before you make any decision to act on your ideas and impulses, I strongly recommend that you seek professional counseling. Please consult with a private or community mental health counselor in your area for further exploration of these issues prior to acting out on ideas or fantasies that might cause negative, undesirable and irreversible effects that impact your family. Your mother may have introduced you to or initiated sexual activity with you when you were starting to mature sexually, and maybe you think it was not a big deal or that it was pleasant even.
Continuing a "tradition" by convincing your wife to carry on with your son in some perceived sexual coming-of-age rites/ritual/shangalang is not recommended. Just because it might have happened to you does not make it right. Even if you may have come to terms with or possibly have fond recollections of your first sexual experience with your mother initiating the incestual relations, your son is not you and the potential for negative impact on him and ultimately the entire family is high. Such circumstances could also bring about legal issues of great detriment to both you and your wife should any such activities described occur and be discovered. Each of you could be convicted of felony sex crimes against a minor and incarcerated for years.
There is a difference between fantasy and reality. Many open minded couples role play taboo sexual fantasies together with a mutual understanding between each other that they are both consenting adults who are ACTING. They acknowledge and agree that there is a big difference between pretending and actually living out fantasies that in reality would be illegal. Lots of adults share sexual fantasies and act out role plays where one partner acts as the adult and the other acts as the child in a sexual encounter. This is called age play. Age play, between two adults, is extremely arousing for many people and should not be confused with pedophilia because it, again, is when one adult plays out the adult role and the other adult plays out the child role. There is no involvement with actual children. Please check out the links below for more information about age play.
Ageplay: Little Girl Lost's bdsm, roleplay...
Age Play intro by Misty
Adult Group Finder: BDSM/Age Play
Some fantasies are NOT meant to be acted upon in real life, and role play can be a fun alternative to acting out fantasies that are too wild or socially unacceptable. The idea of having your wife initiate any sexual activity with your son should remain as fantasies or thoughts only and not acted upon.
Its good that you have someone to share your sexual issues, ideas and fantasies with. However, many people cannot share their taboo fantasies or true life experience stories with their partners because of real or imagined fears of rejection or disdain. That's one of the reasons why phone sex is such a popular venue in society today, because it serves as both an enhancement to masturbation and an outlet for exploration of taboo fantasy topics shared between two consenting adults. There are no consequences for private thoughts and whispered fantasies shared between two adults through fantasy role-play.
Furthermore, you mentioned the idea that your son might be "comfortable" with this. However, the reality is that your child is NOT a consenting adult. Please make an appointment to discuss your past and current sexual experiences with a licensed therapist in your local area and let me know how things work out.
As always, feel free to call me at anytime to talk about what's on your mind.
Best wishes to you.
1-877-SEX-ANSWERS (739-2679)
QUESTION
My girlfriend and I have tried to have sex three times now. Everytime I am not able to get as hard as I can. I am able to get harder but I can not. Also, when I do get hard I it doesn't last a long time. Is there anything wrong with me ? Please let me know.
ANSWER
It is not uncommon for both men and women to experience some anxiety during the first few encounters with a new partner. This performance anxiety usually tends to go away after the first few encounters. The more comfortable you become with your partner, the more enjoyable sex will be. Your anxieties should dissipate soon for the most part as your intimacy level grows with your partner. As far as making things last longer, I recommend simply slowing down and making more time for foreplay - touching, kissing, etc. Also, men last longer the second time around, so don't fret if you finish early. Just keep playing with your partner and soon you will be ready to go at it again!
Please note that is not at all uncommon for a man or woman to experience an inability to perform or achieve orgasm every once in a while. Even if the desire is very strong, sometimes our bodies just do not perform exactly as we would like them to. Sexual blocks can and do occur, especially when there is a stressful situation going on in one's life, when a person cannot concentrate solely on enjoying pleasurable feelings, when a person has anxieties about performance, when a person feels insecure about his or her body, when a person is upset with his/her partner, when a person is very tired or feels distracted, or when a person becomes over-stimulated to the point that sensations to the genitals are either dulled or intensely sharpened due to excessive stimulation and/or an excessive duration of arousal time, etc. If these so-called sexual blocks interfere with your enjoyment of sex on a continuous regular basis, I would recommend a consultation with your physician to rule out any legitimate medical problems and/or a consultation with a counselor to discuss more specific details concerning your sex life and sexual relationship.
Communicate with your partner. Take the time to get to know each other inside out and develop a solid emotional bond and spiritual connection. Sex does NOT have to be just about maintaining an erection and/or reaching an orgasm. Sex can also be about showing that you care very much for one another and expressing those intense feelings. Sex can be about connecting on a deeper intimate level, sharing affection, love, tenderness and emotion.
Don't get me wrong, orgasms are great - I love 'em (!!) - but on those certain days when things don't work out exactly as you had hoped for, don't underestimate the power of soft sweet talk, touching, holding, cuddling and caressing one another. Last of all, but certainly not least, it is considered proper sexual etiquette and very appropriate to take care of your partner by helping him or her reach an orgasm even if you cannot have one at that specific time (ie: by using your fingers/hands, tongue/mouth, or sexual toys to help your partner acheive sexual satisfaction if he/she wants and is able to achieve orgasm).
I wish you the best of luck with your new sexual relationship. Don't hesitate to get in touch with me if you need further assistance. Feel free to call me anytime to discuss this or any other topic that is on your mind.
1-877-SEX-ANSWERS (739-2679)
